Annie Kirkwood, Author
Rte 1 Box 100
Bunch, OK 74931-9705
June/July 2003 — Issue #70
For a sample printed copy or to subscribe, contact B&A Products at the address or phone number shown above or on our Home page.
This is Annie's section
How have you been during this crazy weather we've been having in many parts of the nation? It really is unusual. Mother Mary said the unusual would become usual and the unbelievable would become believable. If we are talking about the weather, I would say we are getting there. Areas that have never experienced tornados are doing so now, and in this part of Oklahoma where I live it is unusual to have the sort of weather pattern we have been experiencing. One evening as I left the office, the sky was as dark as midnight and the clouds were green. From past experience, I knew we were in for some very bad weather and a chance of a tornado. On the local news was the notice that a tornado was 30 miles southwest of me, coming toward Bunch. It went over us swirling in the air past Stilwell, the small town I go to for most of my needs.
Luckily it did not touch down, but several people could clearly see it in the sky. After the storm was over, I was surprised I had felt no fear at all. In past years if the sky became that dark, I was in a panic. When I heard we were in its path, I gathered pillows, a flashlight, a book and sat in the hall closet reading. After the hail and wind had gone past me, I came out of the closet to find no damage, only a good rain.
It seems that, since Byron's death, I am totally unafraid of dying. For years I've not been afraid of death, but the dying gave me some twinges of concern. It was not the death but the fear of pain. I have lost all fear relating to death, dying and all that is associated with it. Then I took a good look at how I felt about living. There had been little enthusiasm for life. So I began to pray for God to help me make a life for myself. What I was living in was how I wanted to live.
If you wonder how I overcame my fear of death and dying, it began when I fully realized what Mother Mary had stressed over and over-life is eternal. That I wouldn't, or couldn't, get out of living it wherever I find myself in God's creation. That life is a gift from God and mine for a long time. If I want to be happy or content, or miserable and angry, I could be. God also gave us choice, and how I live my live is up to me through me. It also had to do with my promise to myself to be happy the last half of my life. I no longer want to be anxious, miserable, unhappy, angry, or in pain. So I have to once again choose to be happy, and live abundantly. It hasn't been easy nor pleasant at times, but it has been worth it.
It took years of therapy, the support of a loving husband, children, and good friends to get me to this place. Now I am committed to be a support to my friends who are going through their healing, or whatever you want to call it, to find the serenity, happiness, and a pain/fear free life. I still miss Byron and find myself sad more than not, but also very, very grateful for the years we had together. It is one of my great blessings, to have been married to a man who knew how to love unconditionally.
Mother Mary taught us that God is good and only gives good and that His love is beyond our comprehension or imagination. She said if I concentrated on His essences, qualities, goodness and love, I would find those qualities and essences deep within myself. So many years ago I began to look for the good in every situation. It has been difficult at times to see some situations and circumstances as good because we humans are conditioned to seeing things in black or white, good and evil. There are so many things that are caught up in this either/or, good/evil way of thinking.
Some people have said, "Why did Mother Mary let this happen to you?" Meaning Byron's death. I've reminded them that death is not a bad thing, it is a good thing, because it's a part of life. Other people have had the idea that if you are working with Mother Mary or if you are "spiritual," you will not be affected by death, problems, illness, or any of our human conditions. We are not always doing something wrong when we become ill or have an accident. There are times an illness/accident is an indication of wrong choices or decisions. But making the choice to smoke a cigarette or overeat is simply that, a choice. It's later that the choice can become an indication that there is a problem, more of an emotional disease if a person cannot stop when he/she tries. Not all people who smoke or overeat are having a problem either or being less spiritual. It is all more complicated. And the thing for each of us to remember is that judging others harshly is also a choice.
When I began to lose my fear of death, I also began to see that what I had considered bad was not a bad thing. Once I considered death as a bad thing and illness as something to be ashamed of, when in reality death is a fact of life. Illness and accidents are part of the earthly life. They are not necessarily a bad thing. It has been said to me that we don't have to die, and in theory that may be true, but right now, at this time on earth, it is a part of life. I believe we can be healed and that the healing comes from within. But I also don't believe that an illness or an accident is bad, but simply another way to learn a lesson. I've learned so much from illnesses and accidents.
My prayer is that we will find other ways of learning besides through pain and illness. And until that time I am committed to leaving behind the fear of death, dying, and illness. I'm committed to leaving behind the judgments which would say this is good and this is bad. Instead I see situations as choices, some beneficial and some painful. And through it all God continues to love us, more than we can understand. He continues to wait for us to make the choice to live closer to Him and to learn to love as He does without limit or condition. I'm holding myself to this.
On another note, we, myself and friends, will be hosting Mary Day on August 15th. For those who would like to stay for a discussion group, prayer and meditation on Saturday, you are welcomed with open arms.
I pray that you will find joy, serenity and peace in your life. And I pray that all people will find ways to bring peace into their lives. Until next time I remain your friend,
This is Mother Mary's section
My dear children,
I come to you with gladness and joy. You are so much more than you give yourselves credit for. Yes, you are sinners, but that is life on earth. This simply means you make mistakes. There is only one thing that keeps you from God and that is you. This is the biggest sin, if you want to look at it in this manner. God forgives sin, and it is not something to keep your attention on. He wants you to comprehend all that you are and to remember how wonderfully wrought you are. He loves you in ways that are amazing and comforting.
I would have you truly understand now that you are the light of the world. When you understand, you will be filled with joy and comfort. You cannot do anything to put out your light, for the light within you is God's light. It is His reflection in you. Only God can extinguish the light.
So often I hear people concerned with being filled with light. You are made of the essences of God. God is light, love, and all that is good. He is so much more than you can even imagine or behold. This means you are so much more than you imagine. You have talents and capabilities that remain untapped. The light within you gives you life. It fills your being with energy and activates your body. It is light that creates the electricity that can be measured through your brain activity. It is light that warms your body and your soul. More than anything it is the light within that connects to the light of God that keeps you alive in all the ways there are to be alive. Light warms your heart and gives you the impulse to care, and along with love you are able to truly be God-like. You are able to live, to forgive, to love, and to be compassionate because you are light.
My children, I would not have you be ignorant of who you are and neither do I want you to lack the knowledge you need in this world. You can cover your light with hatred, grudges, anger, addictions and these kinds of issues. You cannot extinguish your light, but you can dim its ability to radiate through you. It is yet another reason to resolve your issues, to make peace with your life, your past and your family. It is time to set aside the strong emotions that come when a person or a group of people disagree. The depleting emotions not only deplete your energy, they also mask and cover your ability to radiate light. When you get caught up in these types of emotions and issues, you expend much of your energy and that causes your light to dim.
So once again, I come to urge you to resolve old issues, to forgive old hurts, and to expel the anger that you harbor from the past. I ask that you pray for wisdom to know how to do this, to pray for courage to change useless habits and behavior patterns that cause you to neglect the real issues. And most of all, I pray that you face your fears. One of the behaviors that most dims your light is pride. When you are too proud to forgive, too proud to let go of grudges and prejudices, when your pride interferes with your ability to clear away issues, then it is vanity and conceit. I would like each of you to be proud of who you are, when you identify with your spirit. You can be proud of the fact that God has made humanity in marvelous ways. You can be proud of your talents, that are God-given. You can be proud of your successes. You can be proud of the love you have for one another. There is much for you to be proud of. But false pride, that pride that keeps you from forgiving, from loving, and from making peace with each other is detrimental to your soul. That false pride that keeps you from having compassion for each other is one of the things that covers your ability to glow.
Have good self-esteem by identifying with your spirit self. Be happy with the personality you are blessed with. See how your own ability to love, to bring joy to yourself and others is the basis of pleasure and pride. Do not however have an inflated concept of your self-importance. This can keep you from clearing away the angers, addictions and fears which keep you from being a shining example of God's light.
My dear children, you can say the prayers and spend hours in meditations, recite all the novenas and perform great church work, but if you do not have forgiveness and love for all of God's children, your light is muted. It requires all your prayers and meditations to remain a clear illumination of all of God's essences, and it requires that you cleanse your mind and heart of anger and fear. I cannot exhort you enough or encourage you enough because it is so important. Most of all remember that you are light and your duty is to shine, to illuminate, to glow with God's radiance.
Bring everything to God including your angers, fears and addictions. He is willing to help you overcome them. All He awaits is your request. But that does not mean that you are not required to do your part. It is still up to you to comply with healing old wounds, releasing any hurts, and taking the required actions to overcome your addictions. You will be able to do this with God's help. Perhaps you had thought you could not forgive or make the first move to settle family wars. With God's help you will find the buds of compassion taking hold allowing you to forgive. Where you thought you would never be able to heal or overcome an addiction, you find the way, and when you thought you would always be angry because it was too much to deal with, you will find God's hand help you find the method to accomplish all you need to do.
Nothing will be impossible, when you have God with you. Remember that God is Father to all of Earth's inhabitants. Every person belongs to Him regardless of race, religion, color, or walk of life. Rejoice in your spirit, be grateful for your inner life. Treasure what God has given to each of you. Let your hearts be filled with love, and peace be your inner goal. Allow yourselves to settle issues, to resolve disputes, to put aside your pride and to love. You have been created to love and to live in peace. You are choosing every day how you will live. Choose to be gloriously illuminated, pray and forgive all things. You have the choice. It is your gift to be able to choose how you live. I urge you, my children, to choose to sparkle, to shine in compassion and radiate love. You can do this. You are very capable of being all that you were created to be. Through you peace can come into the world.
I am loving each of you dearly.
Mary, Mother of Jesus
Return to Mary Message/Newsletter page
Use the BACK button on your browser to return.
Original date: July 23, 2003
Last updated: July 23, 2003